Topic 1: Meeting New People - Matt Litzsinger

Wherever I go, I see different groups of friends among all different types of people. Even the shiest people have friends, though it may be uncomfortable for them to make new ones, and they have more friends than you might think. I know this because I used to be shy. To me, the fact that shy people have friends says that making friends is a universal skill - everyone knows how to do it, and everyone seeks friendship. But, you can’t possibly be friends with everyone, so you must know how to choose friends carefully if you want to maximize happiness. In this post, I will explore a couple of questions regarding making friends, and through these questions unearth a few criteria that one could use. Let's get to it!

Picture by Santa Banta

Is making friends ever bad?

Any friendship should be mutually beneficial to both people. Friendships that are not mutually beneficial are likely unhealthy. For example, being friends with someone who you know is a serial killer is probably a bad idea; it is likely that either you won't trust them or they will hurt you. While this is an extreme example, this type of person shows a couple of characteristics that denote a bad friendship, such as dishonesty and untrustworthiness. 

So, friends who use you to accomplish a goal or have not shown themselves to be trustworthy in the slightest one should steer away from, as they would only be interested in their desires, not yours. The tricky part is that the more that you learn about how good of a friend someone would be, the more you are already friends with them. In other words, the more you know about how good of a friend someone would be, the less power you have to change it. Thus, it is crucially important to maximize that period of time, so as to make the best choice of friends possible.

Picture by Factoryjoe

What are the benefits of making friends?

As we saw in the example in the previous question, having friends means having your guard down, or in other words, feeling safe. Friends make you feel safe, and they also provide safety, whether this is through physical means (it's much harder to harm 2 people than 1), emotional means (providing you with encouragement), or through other means. The above diagram shows Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which is a theory of how our needs can be met. Presumably, the reason for going through all this trouble to meet needs is that the higher needs, when met, provide much more intense and lasting feelings of happiness than the lower needs. Safety is required for higher states of happiness, and friends are a crucial part of securing safety. Going along with this need for safety, being part of a group is a natural human need as well, and for good reason. Imagine mankind before agriculture was invented; those who stayed in groups were much more likely to survive than those who didn't because predators are more likely to hunt an individual than a group. It was naturally selected, therefore, for us to desire to be in groups, as this helped survival in our hunter and gatherer days. Having friends helps fulfill this need to fit in as well, as well as the need for self-validation, allowing you to reach the green level of love and belonging.



Picture by Superior Platform

How do you make friends?

Making friends is actually quite easy. Cherishing common experiences, especially those that are difficult, brings people closer together and makes friendship all that much sweeter. Happenstance situations can bring the most unlikely people together, and while you have some control over who you are friends with, you will not always know when you will encounter friends, so you should be friendly all the time. Paradoxically, it seems that the best way to make friends is to not worry about it. Being friendly to everyone, comfortable in your own shoes, and generally happy goes a long way. Choosing your friends comes in when choosing who to spend time with, as this is where the influence of your friends matters. Whichever friend enables you to meet the highest level needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs will be the one you should spend most time with.


Photo by Antti Kempainien

Making friends and the camaraderie that comes with it to me is one of the most meaningful human experiences. Enjoying spectacles of man or nature, such as this firework show and background lightning, brings even strangers very close to one another. There is something magical about special bonding like this, and certainly you should take advantage of every such experience that you can.

So, what are you waiting for? Go out today and make a new friend - it'll be more fun than you might think!